Update: Where I am with having "friends"

As many of you know, and I've talked about it plenty of times before, friends aren't something that I have a lot of, nor is it a term that I take lightly. When I gain a friend of any kind, they become one of the most important people in my life, and I appreciate them with all that I have. This is why I don't have many friends, and when people ask me, "Have you made a bunch of new friends at school," I say no, not at all. Looking back, I've had very few friends in my life. As I got older, this number got smaller and smaller. At first, I felt like this was the worst thing in the world. I felt like there was something wrong with me, and that people didn't like me enough to bring me into their lives. I now realize that that was not the case at all.

I have many requirements for someone being my friend. I think of friendship sort of in tiers. There are just people you know, then your acquaintances, then your friends, and then your best friends (which I understand goes against the word "best", but shut up). Here are kind of my definitions for each tier.

• People you know - Pretty self explanatory. You wouldn't deny them if they requested you on facebook, but you're probably not following them on instagram. You might say hi to them if you passed them at school, but would probably pretend like you didn't see them if you saw them at target. Just people you know. 
• Acquaintances - These are people you know by name. You've had a conversation with them before. Might be in one of your classes, or in a club with you. You can talk to them about mundane things, but never anything beyond that. If you see them at target, you might wave. You could walk with them to class, or sit with them in the caf. You might choose them as a partner for a group project, but nothing ever too deep between you guys. If you ever saw them at a social gathering, you might draw to them. Heck, they might even invite you to do something with them, and a group of other people of course. This might be what some people consider "friends" or "buddies" or something. 
• Friends - People you can get deep with. People who know you on a deeper level than just talking about what was in the caf, or how your weekend went. A person you talk to on the regular, who doesn't judge you. You guys hang out often. They know a lot about you. They can probably name your celebrity crush or your favorite band. You tell them stuff about you. You text them when your roommate is being annoying or your new professor is super cute. These are the people you send the derpy snapchats to. You trust these people.
• Best Friends - These are the people you can tell everything to. These are the most important people in your life, sometimes even above your family. When you need someone to vent to, or have a serious conversation with, they're there. If you need to tell someone something awful that you did, they are there to listen and not judge. If you have just a really funny joke, they'll tell you how funny it is. These are the people that you don't mind spending a whole lot of time with. You talk to them a lot. They are your go to people for everything. You are constantly updating them on your day. They will tell you when  you're being annoying or you are wrong. The difference between them and just your friends is that they are just one step deeper. Once you're in this tier, it's not very easy to leave it.

Now, you might think my definitions are obvious. You might also think I'm horribly needy and picky. Eh, whatever. I just find my friends to be so important to me. Another thing about it is, people can move around these tiers so easily. We could be friends at one point, but the second it gets hard, and we don't try to hang out or keep in touch anymore, then you drop to acquaintance. That's the most common movement. But also, if you have a best friend, and for some reason you feel that they don't feel the same way about your relationship as you do, they can move down to friends. Whatever the case, that's how I stack my friends. 

Now, I have countless "People I know," maybe 20 acquaintances, 6 friends, and 1 best friend. Of these people, 6 acquaintances go to my school. 11 acquaintances, including the previous 6, live in southern california. None of my friends live near me. In fact 2/6 live in the same time zone as me. And my best friend is 1800miles away. So, that's kind of how I stack up.

I'm not really complaining. I talk to my friends all the time. I don't like to go out, at all, and I don't like hanging out with people who aren't my friends, at all, so the fact that my roommates leave on the weekends and I'm alone is actually perfect. I like being alone a lot. 

If I had friends here, I feel like it would be sort of nice, having someone to go to the beach or museums etc with me, things I like to do besides sitting in my room all day. I'd also rely less on my friends, and give them time to themselves (I'm super needy), but it's actually really hard for me to think of pros to having friends here because I'm so content with how I am. I like my life. Maybe things will be different, but it's okay if they're not. 

Not many people are like me, and I don't really get along on a deep level with people who don't entirely understand me. It's really hard to find those people, and I'm so grateful for the ones I have. I understand this post might seem like I'm making excuses or something, but I'm really not. I like how things are, and as of right now, I don't see things changing. Just let me be me without assuming I'm depressed or something is wrong with me.

I can't stand that that's people's first assumption. I stay in on the weekends. I don't do anything all day, and then when Eddie gets home from work, I skype him and watch movies until I fall asleep. That's 100% how I LOVE to spend my time. Just because it does not include other people, does not mean that I wish it did. Just because I like to be alone, does not mean that I'm lonely. Yeah, sometimes I feel that way, but even people with all the friends in the world get lonely sometimes. I like the way that I am, and I really wouldn't change it at all. Stop assuming things.

I'm introverted. I get pretty awful anxiety when I'm around people I don't know. I get tired really easily when I'm not at home. I'm awful at entertaining people, even when they're my friends. Either I babble on forever, for I can't hold a conversation. I spend all of my time online or with my nose in a book. I don't know any of the new songs on the radio. I haven't seen that band live. 

But if you're my friend, I do everything in my power to make sure you know how important you are to me. I can name all the presidents in order. I can sing you a song about the Chinese dynasties. I've probably seen that movie or read that book, and I'd love to talk about it. 

I'm just a little different from most. I know that.