Oops, pretend it's still Thursday

I have this obsession with remaking my blog, so I did it. But, time ran over, and now I'm 12:30am, on friday. Anyway, it's Mid-semester break, which is such a relief, seeing as how midterms are over now. I have thursday-sunday off school. It's been extremely relaxing, but I've been feeling pretty sick today :( I don't know why just have. I've slept most of the day, and I didn't even get dressed. Hm, hopefully tomorrow is more productive.

 I wanted to mention on thing: it's so hard to follow my own advice. I give advice often, but following it is a lot harder than I thought. Right now, I'm trying really hard to not be super psycho needy, among other things, and it is really hard for me right now. That probably means nothing to anyone, but it means a lot to me. Normally, I really like being alone. When I envision my perfect life, I would have a boyfriend who loves doing all the same things as I do, so that I'd have someone to love me, and a friend to do things with. But, that's all I envision. I never try to make friends because I guess I don't really want any. I have this tendency to care about people way more than they care about me, and it crushes me each time. It's almost impossible to control how someone feels about you. I always go all in, so I'm always the one getting hurt. Having friends just isn't worth it most of the time.

 But, I want friends sometimes. I just want some distractions. Being alone all the time, you just overthink everything, and when things go wrong, the anxiety kills you. I just want someone to go out with, or to even talk to. All my friends live in different TIME ZONES. Freaking different timezones! And I can't openly talk to any of them. I'm just some chick who is always complaining about everything. I always ask why I don't have friends, but I guess it's my fault. I push people away. I leave the room when it gets crowded. I like to be alone. Maybe that's how it's meant to be.

 who knows.